I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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