Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So squirting runs in the family.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
BRING THE BAGELS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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