then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ugly people sure do ruin things
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
