I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
