I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
