dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
