oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
