he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize