My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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