The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
