I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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