They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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