so explain again why im purple
no
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
