This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize