I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize