she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
