This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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