We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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