i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
