5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
