I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
