Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
