But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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