this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
