I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
