worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
