i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
