but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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