Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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