You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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