Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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