Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
