wanna go halves on a baby?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
