his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize