Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it because I queefed?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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