Someone shit on the floor
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
