Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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