I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's get the cat blown out
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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