i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
