ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
