Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think people are normalizing furries
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