I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
