I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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