just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
