if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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