I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
