I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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