just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
