I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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