Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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