If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
