Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
