I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
