How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
