how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
