Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
