god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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