When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
