oh god the rape fog is back!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
