News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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