I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
