Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
