It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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