Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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