If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
