I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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