I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
