Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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