Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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