do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
