when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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