He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
