If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
