you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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